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08.08.05 (5:57 am)   [edit]
i'm pretty much switching over to xanga now, since that's where all my friends are. no offense to tblog..but all the site probs are annoying. Doesn't matter much anyway, I'm rarely online anymore...but, here is the link to the new one-

Fairy tales
08.03.05 (5:39 am)   [edit]
"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

Isn't this quote so true? Well, it is for me.

Which part of your fairy tale are you still hoping will come true?

I know my fairy tale. I'll tell you mine, if you'll tell me yours.

07.25.05 (4:29 pm)   [edit]
Sometimes people say there is no hope left. Sometimes I feel this way, too. So where can we so called hopeless beings find a few traces of hope?

Hope is found in the eyes of a mother giving birth to her first child. Breathe, push, breathe, push...praying all the while, that her pain will be worth it. I am not a mother, but my guess would be that these new mothers usually find that it's more than worth it...

Hope is found in the tears of a little boy who's fallen off his bicycle yet again. As he takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and tries again, he prays that life with no training wheels is really worth all this trouble. And it always is...

Hope is found in the sobs of a sinner who's found her way home. Kneeling at an altar with tears on her face, before the God of endless grace. Hope is found in the love of the Christ who died upon a cross for the hopeless...

Surely, as he cried out, Father forgive them, he wondered if it would be worth it...And to him, we were worth it...

So, in response to the "hopeless", which at times seems to include myself...As long as we hang on to Christ, there is no hopeless. And all of the hurt and the's going to be worth it.

07.13.05 (5:21 am)   [edit]
I wished on a star last night. Yes, I still do that. It's funny how the entire "making wishes" idea is instilled in us from childhood. Candles on the birthday cake...a beautiful shooting star...make a wish. We wish, and we wish, and we wish...

I'm not sure any of my wishes have ever come true. When I was ten, every time I saw a star, I wished for my daddy to come home. When I was thirteen, I wished that my first real crush would finally notice me. When I was twenty-one, I saw a shooting star while on a date with Iz. I wished we'd live happily ever after.

My parents got divorced. A crush was all my crush would ever be. Iz didn't want to live happily ever after with me.

But still I wish. Am I alone here, or does every other girl on the planet do this? We just pray this time will be different, that we'll wish the right wish, on the just the right star.

What did I wish for last night? Well, that's a secret silly. :wink:

*Sigh*. But oh how I wish I may, and I wish I might...

07.11.05 (4:51 pm)   [edit]
Every day on my job at the wonderful dry cleaners, I say to every person who walks through the door..."Hi, how are you?", and plaster a smile across my face. After all, this is part of what I get paid for. They of course usually respond with the very expected "Good, how are you?", to which I reply, "Doing great!" (insert 2nd plastered smile). I for one know that I just told one whopper of a lie, but it's just what people do. People don't expect the girl at the dry cleaners to pour out her heart while she rings up their total. But sometimes I can't help but wonder if they're all lying to me too. A girl came in today, who was like the mirror image of me. Her eyes were so sad, but when I said "How are you?", she smiled, and said she was doing just fine. But her plastered smile didn't reach her eyes.

I think it's sad that the world is this way. It would be so much easier if, when someone said "how are you?" they actually waited to hear the answer, the real answer. I wish that someone would ask me how I am, and I could tell them that I've actually felt like I've been sinking into a deep, dark pit of sadness for a long time now and I don't know how to climb out. I wish I could tell them that my deepest wish right now is just to have a friend, one who really cares about the answer to "how are you?".

And they could tell me their story, too. Maybe I'd realize I'm not the only one in this pit. Maybe the pit wouldn't be so hard, if only we knew we weren't alone.

07.09.05 (11:03 am)   [edit]
I so suck at life sometimes. The more I try to stop thinking about something, the more I obsessively think about it. The people I want to forget, are the people I think about the most. But, do I really want to forget them? Or, do I just want things to go back to the way they were when I knew these people, and these people knew me? The places I know I shouldn't go, because I know they'll make me sad, are the places I seem to frequent, knowing full well the memories that will flood my little heart. Why do we do these things as human beings?

Maybe it's those little moments, those little memories, that make us who we are. Maybe there's something that draws us back there. Back to where we first learned to trust, first learned to kiss, first learned to love. Maybe it's those happy moments from the past that get us through the bad moments of today.

Even if those happy memories sometimes make us sad...
they are still the moments we'll never forget.

"These times when the world falls apart
Make us who we are"
- Lifehouse